welcome to my world

Letting go. One of the hardest phrases in the English vocabulary to implement. So easy in concept but hard to do.

All along, I thought letting go is just a phase where you let go all the negative emotions, the excess baggages and everything will turn out fine. But as I found out, it is just but a phase. The negative emotions, it’s just a phase.

With this comes after, the pain of missing that person, struggles, confusion and most of all the fact that you can be replaced any moment, anytime.

And as I was able to let go of the negative emotions that were brought about by that disastrous relationship, came the understanding and acceptance of what happened. Knowing these things made it even hard to let go and move on. Coz you then realize that you miss the good times and that there were lots of good times spent together; more than the bad times.

You then come to a point where you seek that person’s presence. The routine that you got used to for so many years now, everything just went haywire. You eat dinner alone, no messages on weekends, no one to share your thoughts with in the middle of the night, and the laughter… it’s just so hollow. So empty.

And then comes the struggle. The struggle to turn back or continue the journey onwards. A journey with no direction. You just took whichever path fancies you without knowing what lies ahead. And yet, you keep on looking back. Hoping that maybe, somehow, in some ways you still find traces of the past. Sometimes you retrace your steps, thinking it would lead you back to where it ended but you find yourself somewhere else.

Confused where to go. Struggling while confused. It just drives you mad. But you have to take a path. Choose. Choose the way which you feel you’ll be more at peace. Choose the way. Easy way out, less struggle. Or thorns and nails at each every step. It’s just your choice. You just take the path where you feel you are still intact. You are still you yet a different you.

Good for those who are able to survive and was able to feel the sun before they are being replaced. But to those who are still struggling and finding their partner on the other end of the path… Yeah well. You can just imagine the struggle.

But at some point, you do have to accept that there can be someone else. Someone who can make that person smile more than you did. Make that person feel loved more than you did. That someone who is more than you were.

You see, letting go… I’ve underestimated it. I never thought I had to go through all those. But yeah well. When it ends, it ends. There’s no turning back. I just have to accept the thorns and nails that come my way. And even the tempestous storms, yes they will come.

I’m just starting my journey. I hope that through it all, I’ll still be the same sweet me.

**AUTHOR’S NOTE: This article is a naive view of the subject. Please feel free to disagree or argue my points. And anyway, we go through things differently. It’s fun to exchange notes and share your thoughts. I’d love to hear it ^_^