welcome to my world

"I’m angry right now. I want to lash out at people."

"I’m hurting right now. I want to let others know my sufferings, what I’m going through."

Whenever I feel about something strongly, I immediately express it. Lonely, happy, in love, angry, devastated, frustrated, inspired… these are just one of the too many emotions that I go through. I share these feelings by telling it to anyone who is willing to listen or sometimes I email it to my groups (especially if the directed person is on that list) or I blog.

This is the problem of being too emotional. It’s hard to bottle up these emotions. It’s so hard to keep all those pent-up emotions. I just need to release it or else… or else I’ll just go mad thinking about it on my own. And I bet this is how other people treat their emotions, as well.

And now as I am experiencing how it is being directed at, I’ve come to realize that in the midst of such strong emotions and lashing out at people, we don’t really think how we affect other people. That there might be someone who’ll end up more hurt than what we are experiencing.

I have come to realize that we should be careful of whom we should lash out. And the best person/s to do this with is those that are closest to us. Those that understood us. Those, that despite who we are and what we’re going through, love us.

And for those that I have hurt through my careless words, I AM SORRY. It may be too late to say this but I hope it is not too late to accept my apology.

Have you ever been to the park at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf at Ortigas? I just love that place. It’s a haven amidst the hustle and bustle of the city. I don’t really know who owns that place or whether it’s a government property but I’m glad they thought of a place like that.

You see, every Wednesday I play badminton at the Galaxy near Metrowalk. I pass by that area while walking from Megamall to Galaxy. That’s usually the place where I wait up for Joe-e and sometimes Jawie so we could go together to our badminton session.

From the fast-paced life at Ayala to the pushing and shoving at the MRT and the long walk from Megamall, that place just invites you to sit and enjoy the somewhat quiet and relaxing surrounding.

As always whenever I’m near the place, my strides go slower. I look for a bench to sit on and there’s always a space for me there. First thing, I tie my hair into a ponytail. Then I take out my light snack, indian-sit and close my eyes while hearing the rushing sound of the water from the fountain. Ahhh… this is how one should relax.

I let that sound reach into me… heal me… The stress, pressure and emotions I’ve been carrying with me the past few days just seem to slowly drain out of me. I breathe in more deeply and let out a long, light breath after. I feel my head clear.

But then it’s time to go. I stand up and heave up my bags. And as I walk away from that place, my strides go faster; recharged, and strengthened. I’m looking forward to the intense smashing and running inside the badminton court, ready for another battle. ^_^

So if you’re at Ortigas, take time to visit the place. It’s really nice especially at night. Take time to enjoy simple things. After all, the best things in life are for free.

Letting go. One of the hardest phrases in the English vocabulary to implement. So easy in concept but hard to do.

All along, I thought letting go is just a phase where you let go all the negative emotions, the excess baggages and everything will turn out fine. But as I found out, it is just but a phase. The negative emotions, it’s just a phase.

With this comes after, the pain of missing that person, struggles, confusion and most of all the fact that you can be replaced any moment, anytime.

And as I was able to let go of the negative emotions that were brought about by that disastrous relationship, came the understanding and acceptance of what happened. Knowing these things made it even hard to let go and move on. Coz you then realize that you miss the good times and that there were lots of good times spent together; more than the bad times.

You then come to a point where you seek that person’s presence. The routine that you got used to for so many years now, everything just went haywire. You eat dinner alone, no messages on weekends, no one to share your thoughts with in the middle of the night, and the laughter… it’s just so hollow. So empty.

And then comes the struggle. The struggle to turn back or continue the journey onwards. A journey with no direction. You just took whichever path fancies you without knowing what lies ahead. And yet, you keep on looking back. Hoping that maybe, somehow, in some ways you still find traces of the past. Sometimes you retrace your steps, thinking it would lead you back to where it ended but you find yourself somewhere else.

Confused where to go. Struggling while confused. It just drives you mad. But you have to take a path. Choose. Choose the way which you feel you’ll be more at peace. Choose the way. Easy way out, less struggle. Or thorns and nails at each every step. It’s just your choice. You just take the path where you feel you are still intact. You are still you yet a different you.

Good for those who are able to survive and was able to feel the sun before they are being replaced. But to those who are still struggling and finding their partner on the other end of the path… Yeah well. You can just imagine the struggle.

But at some point, you do have to accept that there can be someone else. Someone who can make that person smile more than you did. Make that person feel loved more than you did. That someone who is more than you were.

You see, letting go… I’ve underestimated it. I never thought I had to go through all those. But yeah well. When it ends, it ends. There’s no turning back. I just have to accept the thorns and nails that come my way. And even the tempestous storms, yes they will come.

I’m just starting my journey. I hope that through it all, I’ll still be the same sweet me.

**AUTHOR’S NOTE: This article is a naive view of the subject. Please feel free to disagree or argue my points. And anyway, we go through things differently. It’s fun to exchange notes and share your thoughts. I’d love to hear it ^_^

I really love this song, not only for its rhythm but its message as well. Yes, the rest is still unwritten. We can just wait for what is to come. I just hope my future’s full of rainbows and unicorns and leave the storm behind me ^_^

UNWRITTEN
By Natasha Bedingfield

I am unwritten, can’t read my mind, I’m undefined
I’m just beginning, the pen’s in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We’ve been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can’t live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah

We went to watch Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix last Thursday, 12 July 2003 at the Shangri La Mall. I can’t really recall if I watched movies there before but the moviehouse was of good quality. It’s really important when you’re watching a good film and with lots of fun CGs on it.

If you’re an avid reader of the book, somehow you would be disappointed with the storyline. As always, a lot of events weren’t included in the movie. But then again, you’d have to expect this coz the movie is just 2 hours long.

Also, Ron’s character wasn’t given that much focus in the movie. He only said a few lines and didn’t really do anything extraordinary.

Good riddance to Cho Chang’s character, as well, even if the movie deviated from the book’s events. It wasn’t Cho who squealed about the organization; it was her friend. I said good riddance to Cho’s character coz the actress playing Cho hasn’t given the role that much justice.

Valdemort wasn’t as scary as he seemed to be. He lacked that evilness that he projected on the book. More makeup, I think hehehe

On to the good parts…

I say GREAT JOB! on the casting. They really chose their characters well. The two characters that really stood out in this movie are Dolores Umbridge (Imelda Staunton) and Luna Lovegood (Evanna Lynch).

Staunton really brought Umbridge’s character to life; motherly yet annoying. She has this really irritating laugh that got on everybody’s nerves. Lynch, on the other hand, was the perfect Luna; dreamy and lost in her own world.

As usual, hurray for Dumbledore, Sybil Trelawny and Snape.

And my, how the main characters have grown and the old-timer children ^_^ Was kinda sad Harry isn’t as cute as he was when they first started out. But Hermione, tsk tsk tsk, that’s a different story. She’s one hot chick! ^_^

All in all, the movie was fun. We had a great time watching it ^_^

**NOTE: Sorry, my initial post was just the first paragraph. I was too sleepy to notice I published this article without finishing it hehehe

This was playing on Dan’s car while we were cruising along Alaya with me and Brian at the back hehehe Just reminded me of the good ol’ days (She Will Be Loved, Harder To Breathe) ^_^ NEC days… *sigh*

"This Love"
by Maroon 5

I was so high I did not recognize
The fire burning in her eyes
The chaos that controlled my mind
Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane
Never to return again
But always in my heart

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won’t say goodbye anymore

I tried my best to feed her appetite
Keep her coming every night
So hard to keep her satisfied
Kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won’t say goodbye anymore

I’ll fix these broken things
Repair your broken wings
And make sure everything’s alright
My pressure on your hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that’s what you want me to do

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won’t say goodbye anymore

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And my heart is breaking in front of me
She said Goodbye too many times before

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won’t say goodbye anymore…

I sit in the middle of my small boat
Surrounded by the vast, glorious ocean
Without wind, without the sound of waves
Without spirit

I sit there and listened to the sound
Yet I hear nothing, not even a breeze
It was just the sound of my breath
A breath, long and deep, almost a sigh

I sit and waited for the wind to blow
But it didn’t
I waited for the waves to stir
So my small boat can move
But then again, it didn’t

I sit and watched for something to happen
I tried my paddle for a while
But it was too much for me
Too hard to move on

So I sit and prayed and hoped and waited
I prayed and hoped for the breeze to come
And I hoped and waited for that slight breeze
I hoped and waited

"Don’t judge my brother, he is not a book!" was what Melanie Marquez said in defense of her brother, Joey Marquez when caught in a scandal once.

We love to judge the book by its cover. Admittedly, I do it all the time ^_^ We tend to typecast people into certain groups such as "those call center people", "ahh, the weird ones a.k.a geeks", "them socialites", "oh, the pokpoks", etc (I particularly didn’t put any adjectives coz I might get shot but you do know how we coin these groups *wink*)

But this doesn’t mean I stick those labels on them forever. I learned to become more open about people when I knew Ms. VERONICA DE LEON, the then Ms. Gordo, a.k.a Ron, Bitan, Vero.

(How’s that for an intro, Ron? *grins sheepishly*)

When I first met her, I immediately said to myself we can never be friends. She’s the exact opposite of me. Downright gorgeous, fair, tall, SKINNY, has long, straight hair, sexy and oh did I mention SKINNY? She’s chic and elegant. She’s just plain intimidating and I didn’t like her. (I’ll let you in on a secret. I didn’t like her that much too coz the boy I had a crush on then had a crush on her. Potential rival. A VERY POTENT RIVAL tsk tsk tsk)

But then it’s one of those protocols at the office where you have to get along with people, yada-yada-yada. And since there were few young ones at our office then, I was forced to befriend her. Surprisingly, she became a breath of fresh air to us. To me, especially. She opened me to worlds that I’ve never bothered entering to. Never entertaining the thought that someday… I just might be like her.

(Don’t get me wrong. I might have dreamt of having her figure and height but I do know how to tell from daydream and reality :-D)

One of the best lessons this great woman taught me is never judge a person by the way he or she looks. She told me, I might put a label on that girl as a prostitute but do I really know what her past was? What hardship has she gone through and is going through? NO. All I see is the face she reveals to the world.

But then, there are also those nice-looking, pretentious people and yet deep inside they’re just plain vicious, mean creatures. Oh, how these people hurt your expectation of them becoming a true friend

While old habits die hard and I still love labeling people, I try not to close my doors on them when they offer friendship. Fortunately for me, I am Ms. Congeniality (yeah, right :-D) so it really isn’t that hard for someone to be my friend.

Everybody deserves a chance. And in truth, we don’t really have the right to judge someone even if we’ve come to know them personally. As Ms. Marquez had said, we shouldn’t judge coz that person is not a BOOK.

**This article is dedicated to you, Ron. Thank you for gracing my life. Love you, friend *hugs tight*

The NEC losers went to watch TRANSFORMERS last Saturday, 30 June 2007, at the Power Plant Mall. Screen time: 7.50PM .

The first few scenes really dropped our jaw. The transformation was spectacular. Everything was as thrilling as we thought it would be.

We really laugh our assess off when Bumblebee was toying with Sam while he was trying to get Mikaela to notice him. Songs such as Baby, Come Back and Who’s Gonna Drive You Home Tonight brought back the 80’s babies (that’s us) to their youth.

And who couldn’t catch that humor when Sam said "it’s probably Japanese", referring to the robots they just saw?

John Turturro who played as Agent Simmons of the Sector Seven gave the movie some laughs, too. He was the perfect agent for a top secret research organization. A guy who tries to play it cool but deep inside he’s just a nerd playing with cool toys.  (The NEC pips can really relate to this :-P)

The animation was awesome specially when the bots transformed. It was really detailed. You have to give credit to the CG people who poured out their talents for this movie.

The fight scenes weren’t that good, though. I would have expected it to be more dramatic. Unfortunately, whenever two bots fight each other, it just looks like a piece of metal coiled around. There really wasn’t that much distinction between the body parts. It was hard to tell which is which whenever they engage in a close combat.

And there’s really one thing I don’t like in the movie. THE CHEESY PARTS! Couldn’t they skip the holding hands part and just focus into the action instead? It just destroys the momentum. Oh well

All in all, I’d say the Transformers movie is a 4.5 out of 5. Even if the storyline wasn’t really according to the original Transformers cartoons, they still made the 80’s babies reminisce the old times.

"The parents are very irritating. Let’s exterminate them."